15th jun 2011Posted in: blog 0
The dream…Adivinatoria.

I’ve had these dreams for some years, about three or four times a year, they come in the way of  trailers of movies, like  flashes  of very short scenes from 10 to 15 seconds, where I’m in fully aware of what is happening … and with my mind full of ideas to do at that moment, this is as real as a piece of every day of my life.

I think the first ones go back 4 years ago … maybe more, but they  began with the distinct feeling of being stuck in a situation of complete social chaos, almost returning to the neolithic on our days, I mean that Chaos is just the level of violence and savageness is such way that my  only leit motif of the dreams was to protect my life and my family by all means. To go out looking for food with the risk of dying and not returning home. I could not describe all of the dreams because I never actually got to write them, despite being sure they`ve always  been an accurate warning of my heart, I have never felt need to document them, it`s like I have enough  keeping the feeling that all of them have left in me, as a kind of moral.

The last dreams began to arrive about three weeks ago, floods … it makes sense from every point of view that my conscious and unconscious are affected by this type of dream, given my country’s status, also the floods in many parts of the world and even takingin count the strong impression that caused us all the last tsunami in Japan … well, yes, it is absolutely logical to be dreaming about this, but although I feel that this may influence, within me there is a great certainty that it is still part of a warning.  I know many people that who are having the same kind of dreams …

The last one and the one which makes me get up at 3 am to write, is this:….. This time the feeling was so strong, (no room even for fear) that my jaw dropped on the bed, woke up my wife Caro to tell her, she heard me sideways … then  I tried to sleep but… I am here … now I can tell the dream very precicely because I’ve just had it. I insist that what I feel  is that the subject matter and natural phenomena are not relevant in the dream,  is the feeling which I think (and I say with some shame and embarrassment) important and premonitory for me. At that moment (and repeat,  scenes  are like in  a movie trailer) was like being in a city on the edge of a large waterfall which you could not see the bottom, a large city that began to be pushed by the water to the edge and fell in large pieces.  Because of the oniric lack of accuracy I do not  know why I could see it from outside and be living in the scene. We knew that we had some time, as if everything was happening  not so fast,  there were even people who still thought  they could escape, they tried (I didin`t saw them  but I knew it as  I now  know that my son sleeps in his room at this moment even if I’m not there watching him ), but the most terrible feeling,   was that what was happening was so very large that we  had no chance to survive … no one had, the water was coming slowly but impetuous and it would soon push us also down the fall… I was with my son Daniel, and at that time I  no longer had fear, I think that already knowing what would happen … I mean, there was no doubt that we were going to die, that fact removed at least the fear of doubt, I only had the great pain of knowing that I would see the death of my 2 year old  son … I thought .. he has just arrived and his slowly living his own death!

I met a black gentleman who was crying (I could not tell if I was walking, just know that I met him) and told me in tears,  all night I`ve been trying to find words for my son, man words, to tell him we`re going to die … I think he was the only person I saw in the dream, then I feltthe void of fear, and I left the dream…It took a few second before I woke up, with the feeling-thought,  great and terrible, that there was nothing to do against the disaster, not to get boats, or cars, or bunkers, or giant ships like in the movies, or store food, or escape anywhere … there was no salvation for anyone, the sensation leaved out even the chance, nobody, nobody will survive.

Regarding Adivinatoria … I feel that it was this fear of disaster that was trying express in work … now this dream has mede me realize the  connection now seeing it from outside as in third person, I can conclude that my analysis was not about the fear in the society (although a little yeah) but a exorsism of  my own fear of disaster that began with the first dream I felt “premonitory” and appeared alongside the first curiousity about divination objects. You see I don`t like to call them visionary dreams I feel shame and embarrassment putting  myself at the height of a witch or a soothsayer, but I feel being an artists and by definition (for better or worse) in a way “Social expatriates” and forgive wrong-made word, our relaxed mind condition,  sometimes unrealistic, oniric,  allows us (and I’ve always felt it a duty) to navigate and get things of interment (I know that the term is understood, we all believe that we found it but he also belongs to interment, and for those who don`t understand , it`s like  the internet of the human subconscious, a network that unites us all and the entire planet’s natural memory) and  I think that ADIVINATORIA was a download from there. In my defense I say I know I face a mockery of all kinds, not that I care much, but I have to protect my self-esteem, then if you  find it easier to believe that to invent stories,  is all part of my job, believe it.   Artists are in essence lyiers,  art is in essence a lie, and this story  is what I needed to complete ADIVINATORIA.

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